My son lived for 81 days, and for each of those 79 days, I traveled anywhere from 40min to an hour and a half, each way, to see him in the NICU/PICU. There were no off-days on weekends or holidays. Rain or shine, heavy traffic or light traffic, babysitter or none, sick kids at home … Continue reading Practicing Perseverance in a Pandemic
Many people throughout my life have said to me at one time or another, "You are so strong". Thank you. Truly, to the friends and strangers who have said that I am strong, thank you. I know you mean it as a genuine compliment. However, I know myself. I know I don't possess a strength … Continue reading Thank you, but I’m not strong.
I was reminded recently of one of my pet peeves. You see, once someone you love dies, you join a new world. It's the world of the bereaved. It's a club no one wants to join, but once you do, you realize something. Sometimes people in this club believe lies. Sometimes those lies are told … Continue reading Lies grieving people believe
Why am I so quick to forget? To forget the lessons you taught me. I'm so sorry. As I stood in the shower filled with anxiety over something that has proven to be a common trigger for me, I felt like I had been hit on the head with my cast iron skillet. It's as … Continue reading Not in vain
On September 28th, I was given the opportunity to share Joshua's story at the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Remembrance Walk. I was excited to be able to not only share Joshua's life and legacy alongside my dear friend Heidi's story, but also to offer hope to hurting parents.
I was born a very timid child. Laid back and flexible were my adjectives. Headstrong and stubborn weren't my defining characteristics. I was and still am a natural born rule follower. The kid who always did their homework even when the rest of the class didn't. The one whose guilt would eat me alive and … Continue reading I wasn’t born this way.
I see you in that preschool hallway, dropping you off for your first day, and playing with your brother at recess, while sharing snacks on the drive home. I see you wrestling with your older brother and climbing into your baby brother's crib. I see you jumping into the pool with your water wings … Continue reading I still see you
Have you ever had those mornings in your life when you wake up and feel like you're stuck in a bad dream? Like your worst nightmare has become your reality? Like there's this shadow that can't, won't go away? His nose, it was so perfect. And his beautiful wafer like lips. His pronounced jawline just … Continue reading Watching the sun rise
You see and hear it everywhere. I often come across photo captions with the hashtag "blessed". "My new grandson was just born and he's perfect! I'm so blessed! Found my soulmate #blessed. We've been so blessed to find our dream home. Life couldn't get any better!" Obviously, for most people, we consider good things as … Continue reading #blessed
Sixteen. The age my oldest brother died. I remember it being such a peculiar feeling when I turned sixteen, thinking about what it would be like if that was my last year of life, as it was for my brother. Then it was an even sadder, stranger feeling when I turned seventeen. I was now … Continue reading Older Than You Ever Were